I don’t accept every wedding. Not because I’m overbooked, but because when there isn’t musical chemistry between a couple and me, the party doesn’t quite work. And that does nobody any good: not the couple who’ve been preparing the night for a year, not the guests who show up ready to go, not me, playing a set I don’t feel.
That’s why, before closing dates and sending quotes, I talk. I ask specific questions. I listen to how they answer. From that first conversation the answer almost always emerges: we fit, or we don’t. And knowing it early saves everyone time.
This post isn’t a manual on how to choose a DJ for your wedding, though it works for that too. It’s above all the other side: how I choose who I work with, what I look at, what makes me say yes and what makes me say “better not”.
Why I don’t accept every wedding
A wedding isn’t a standard event. No two are alike, even though from the outside they all look like the same photo with a different dress. The people change, the dinner time changes, the room changes, what that couple wants to remember from that night changes. And music, which is the thread that holds the whole celebration together, can’t be resolved with a downloaded playlist or a “play the usual and let it roll”.
When a couple and I don’t share a minimal idea of what that night has to be, it shows. It shows in the half-empty dancefloor at two in the morning. It shows in the guests who leave early. It shows in the final photo. That’s why I’d rather say no than accept a booking where I know, from the first email, that we’ll pull in different directions.
It isn’t brand exclusivity. It’s responsibility for the result.
What can’t be improvised on a wedding night
Reading the room is improvised, yes. Energy is improvised. Mixing live is improvised, because that’s what a DJ is for and not a playlist. What isn’t improvised is the prior connection with the couple: knowing which song makes you look at each other the way you did when you started, knowing which genre bores you by the third bar, knowing whether your people dance on their own or need a push.
If that conversation hasn’t happened before, the night becomes a gamble. And I don’t gamble with anyone’s wedding.
The questions I ask in the first conversation
There’s no closed script, but there are five questions that always appear, in one form or another. They’re not form questions. They’re questions that look for an honest answer, even if brief, even if hesitant. What matters isn’t the perfect answer, it’s what the answer tells me about the couple.
What song connects you as a couple? I don’t ask for the first-dance song. I ask for the song that, when it plays in the car, makes you look at each other. That one. Because from there I understand what musical world surrounds you and what ground I can walk on without asking permission.
At what moment of a wedding have you felt most part of the party? Everyone has been to weddings before their own. I want to know what they remember: whether it was the cocktail hour with a glass in hand, the closing with people barefoot, a specific song the DJ played that made them think “this is it”. That emotional memory gives me the map of what they want, even if they don’t put it in those terms.
Is there anything you don’t want to hear under any circumstances? This question says more than any must-have list. People know what they reject better than what they want. If they tell me “no obvious reggaeton”, “no village-fair rumbas” or “nothing from last summer’s beer-ad song”, I already know what couple I’m talking to.
Do your people dance or do they need to be led? The audience isn’t a minor detail. A family that dances from the first track isn’t worked the same as a family that warms up after the second drink. If they can tell me what their people are like, I know how to build the set. If they don’t, we figure it out together, but the question opens the door.
What do you want your guests to remember about that night? Here the important thing appears. Some couples want them to remember a long party. Others, to remember dancing to songs they didn’t expect. Others, a specific hour, that moment when everyone was together on the floor. That answer is the one that sets the direction of the whole set.
What these answers tell me
Beyond the content, they tell me how the couple thinks. Whether they answer at the same time or look at each other before speaking. Whether they have their own references or hesitate a lot. Whether they’ve thought of music as part of the wedding or as just another service to close out. With those five answers I know whether I can design a set with character or whether I’ll have to play on autopilot. And if it’s going to be the latter, I’d rather not accept. Deep down it’s the kind of wedding I defend from the first minute.
What happens when the answers aren’t clear
Sometimes people don’t know how to answer. And that’s fine. I don’t expect a written essay. I expect willingness to think about it. If a couple tells me “we don’t know, you tell us what to do”, that’s also a valid answer: it means they trust the judgement of the professional they’re hiring, and that’s a perfect base to work from. What doesn’t work is indifference. When music is a checklist box between the photographer and the catering, the party notices. From those answers, how I translate all that into a setlist is what comes next.
If reading these questions answers are already coming to you, we probably fit. The fastest way to find out is to write to me. The initial consultation is a conversation, not a quote.
What kind of couple I look for (and which one doesn’t fit with me)
I’ve been playing for years and I’ve learned to recognise early who I’ll work comfortably with. It isn’t a question of a specific musical style: I’ve done weddings with very electronic couples and very bolero couples, and both have worked. What the weddings that go well share is something else.
The couples I fit with have their own musical identity. They listen to music actively. They know what they like and, above all, they know why. They’ve thought about the music of their wedding beyond “playing something in the background”. They want the night to have character and they understand that you don’t get there with a list of a hundred songs imposed on the DJ. They trust the professional they’ve hired to make decisions live. They give guidance, not orders.
The couples I don’t fit with usually want the opposite. They’re looking for someone to execute a closed catalogue of songs, as if the set were a spreadsheet pressed top to bottom. They want total control over every track, minute by minute, with no room to read the floor. Or, at the other extreme, they’re simply looking for “someone cheap to play music” and expect the party to work on its own. In neither case am I the right person, and it’s better to say so beforehand than to discover it on the night.
This isn’t a filter to look exclusive. It’s a filter that also protects you. If you want to know me a bit more before going on, that’s where I explain where I come from and how I work.
Why this protects you too
If you hire a DJ with musical taste different from yours, the result will be a tense negotiation for months and a night where neither of you will be comfortable. It’s better that you find someone you share ground with, and that you find me if we are that shared ground. That’s why I ask beforehand. That’s why I talk beforehand. That’s why I sometimes say no. Saying no in time is part of the job.
How to know if we fit before hiring anything
The first conversation isn’t a sale. It’s a conversation. We talk on the phone, by video call or in person if we’re close. No prior forms, no closed PDFs, no quotes fired off by email before knowing what your wedding is about.
On that call we talk about the event: where it is, how many people are coming, what the timing is, whether there’s a long banquet or a short cocktail, whether you’re getting married in a place with difficult acoustics. We talk about you: how you met, what you listen to in the car, which weddings you’ve been to that you liked and which you didn’t. And we talk about what you want to feel that night. Not what you want to hear — what you want to feel.
From there, if there’s a fit, we continue. I send you a proposal, we talk dates and close. If there’s no fit, I say so too. And I recommend, if I can, someone you will fit with. I have no problem sending a wedding to another professional if I see it’s a better option for you.
This isn’t generosity. It’s judgement. The weddings I accept I want to do well. The ones I don’t, I’d rather someone else did well in my place.
Frequently asked questions
What if I don’t know exactly what music I want at my wedding? It’s fine. Part of my job is helping you discover it. What matters to me isn’t that you arrive with a closed list, but that you have judgement, even if intuitive. With four or five emotional clues I have enough to start designing the set. The rest we build by talking.
Do you turn down weddings just for the musical style? Not just that. Style is part of it, but what’s decisive is the attitude towards the night. A couple who wants a real party — with energy, with judgement — fits with me even if their musical style is far from mine. A couple who just wants to tick the “having a DJ” box isn’t my client, even if they ask for exactly the repertoire I most like to play.
Can I suggest songs even if we don’t know whether we fit? Yes, and it actually helps me. What you suggest in the first conversation tells me a lot about how you listen to music and whether we’ll understand each other. It isn’t an exam. It’s a fast way to get to know each other.
Do you do weddings outside Asturias or Spain? Yes. I work destination weddings in Spain and abroad too. If your wedding is in another country, or you have international guests who expect a more open repertoire, it isn’t a problem. It’s planned in advance and resolved.
What’s the first conversation with you like? No forms or PDFs in front. We talk about the event, about you, about what you want to feel that night. No commitment. If afterwards it makes sense to work together, we continue. If not, knowing it in advance is useful too.
If you’ve made it this far and recognised yourself in what I describe, we probably fit. Write to me and we’ll talk. Tell me what your wedding is like, when it is and what you want your guests to remember. From there, the rest comes by itself.
